Good Old Fashion Writing

Last weekend I was in California and I finally went to visit Mom. It was hard to see Mom in the nursing home. She can't walk now and has no use of her left arm. They mush all her food into a puree that resembles baby food because she can't swallow well. She's on blood thinner because she has had strokes and heart attacks and they wan't to keep her blood flowing to prevent another attack, but the side effect is she bruses easily and had many on her body on this visit. She had a large one that ran from her chin to her neck. I did my magic photoshop clean up and got rid of it for this picture. I couldn't bear to have what may be our last picture with her having a giant bruise on her face.


I feel like a rotten daughter for not seeing her everyday that she has left in this life. I have a built in excuse, I live in another state. My finances are so shallow that I could not afford to go to California more than I already have. Still its an excuse and I'd rather live my life without making excuses for everything!

I had a 10 hour drive back after the short visit with Mom to think a lot about life. While the family was napping or reading, I thought about Mom. She may only have a short while, perhaps only months and I decided that I needed to make amends with my soul and do what I can to show my Mom that her life has meant that I have life and that I appreciate her for giving me this life.

I'm going to write her. The good old fashion kind where your hand actually holds a pen and creates real words that you can touch on a piece of paper that can be held in your hand and near your heart. I believe there is an energy transfer that happens when you write that way. There is a message that is spoken in the ink and paper that is just as strong as the message on the page. I pray that along with the loving words I will write to her about how life is going with work, my daughter and all the boring daily details, there will be a subtle almost undetectable message of love and gratitude and life affirming happiness for the woman who raised me in the best way she knew how and I hope that her soul will read that "other" message and feel the love I have for her each time she reads the pages I send her.

Seeing my Mom slowly leave this life has really made me appreciate all that I have especially those people in my life with whom I've have shared good times, lots of laughs, much love and crazy fun experiences. For those of you whom I adore don't be surprised if my good old fashioned letter writing extends to you! If you don't know I adore you, then you'll know when a wonderful hand written page of love shows up in your mail box!