At 5:20 am July 15th 2011 ... Mom died.
I knew this day was coming soon, so emotionally I'm as ready as one can be. I've come to terms with her quality of life being so deteriorated that it was a blessing she finally passed, but still I have to wonder what kind of life she had and it's impact on those still here.
She lost her own dad when she was a young girl and that she always felt the one person who loved her the most left her life too soon! She told me that she always felt like she was on her own after her dad died. I suspect this had a greater impact than the Polio.
She loved to tell a story of how she came to FEAR snakes, probably because she blamed her brother. The story goes that George (Her brother) would catch the snakes and torment her with them and he would collect the skins and hang them on the clothes line and chase her with the live snakes and run her around until she ran into the hanging snake skins. She would laugh out loud after telling the story at how crazy the whole thing was. She hated snakes so much that one time we were driving and a snake was slithering across the road and she swerved to miss it, claiming that her irrational fear made her think they could somehow slither into the car even at 60 mph. Of course we laughed out loud over that one too! She hated snakes so much that she would not go see Indiana Jones with Dad the year it came out because she had heard about the snake scene. I find her tortuous relationship with snakes very interesting when I look at the symbolic meanings associated with snakes. Here is an animal with no legs, but moves with ease through grass, tree's water and sand! Snakes shed their skin and are considered masters of shedding the past to transform into something new and re-born. My mom lived a life with "no legs" or at least really bad ones, and could barely get around. She lived in fear of her future because of her hard past. Did she fear snakes because they represented something she could not be? FREE to Move and FREE from her past!
She had a degree as a minister, which she never practiced. When I found a copy of the certificate at age 12, I was blown away and at that moment realized that there was a whole side of my mom that I never knew. When I asked her about the certificate she shrugged and dismissed it as insignificant and a part of her past. Over the years when I attempted to know a deeper side of Mom, she often dismissed and shrugged clearly not wanting to talk about her childhood and the years before I came along.
She loved to tell a story of how she came to FEAR snakes, probably because she blamed her brother. The story goes that George (Her brother) would catch the snakes and torment her with them and he would collect the skins and hang them on the clothes line and chase her with the live snakes and run her around until she ran into the hanging snake skins. She would laugh out loud after telling the story at how crazy the whole thing was. She hated snakes so much that one time we were driving and a snake was slithering across the road and she swerved to miss it, claiming that her irrational fear made her think they could somehow slither into the car even at 60 mph. Of course we laughed out loud over that one too! She hated snakes so much that she would not go see Indiana Jones with Dad the year it came out because she had heard about the snake scene. I find her tortuous relationship with snakes very interesting when I look at the symbolic meanings associated with snakes. Here is an animal with no legs, but moves with ease through grass, tree's water and sand! Snakes shed their skin and are considered masters of shedding the past to transform into something new and re-born. My mom lived a life with "no legs" or at least really bad ones, and could barely get around. She lived in fear of her future because of her hard past. Did she fear snakes because they represented something she could not be? FREE to Move and FREE from her past!My Mom had a very strange superstition, that I believe developed from her hardships with her Polio and the loss of her Dad, she was convinced that if she expressed hope and joy for something that she desired, that she would be denied that item. She didn't want to talk about good things that happened for fear they would be taken away. I actually have fought my whole life against this ingrained belief, because I suspect what ever you believe in your mind and heart are what you create for your life. By example she did create a lot of good things that were then taken away, because of her fear that they would be. This was the biggest revelation for me and how I choose to live without fear as a controlling element of my life. Through Mom's pain and disappointment in her own life I was able to see the other side, Thank You Mom for that lesson well received.
There were two things that I know Mom had the most remorse over... Not being able to ride Horses and Not being able to Dance. In life she was able to full fill her love of horses thanks to Dad's financial support and my love of horses. Together Mom and I had a wonderful life raising and training horses. She lived vicariously through my experiences when riding and I hope that was enough for her. Dancing is something that I still love to do! I will often break out my I-Pod and dance around the house while I clean and organize. I truly believe now that she is in spirit form and no longer hindered by imperfect legs; Now dancing is all she will be doing! This thought brings me great comfort and joy!
Mom was a great cook, thanks to butter, cheese, crisco oil and sugar! Of course her poor heart couldn't take that kind of diet and she suffered emotionally for her weight, but no one was ever disappointed after a meal mom made!! There are many Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners that people still talk about the amazing food and desserts! I have a wonderful recipe book of mom's best meals that Carl surely enjoys often. Of course her Lemon Meringue Pie is legendary!! I'm sure I won over my Father-in-Law with that recipe!!
Mom had a green thumb like no other. Some of my favorite memories with mom were in the garden. How she knew so much about when to plant, how to water and what nutrients the soil needed always amazed me. I have not inherited that ability. Every summer we could count on The best tomatoes in the WORLD from my mom's garden. She made artichokes grown in soil and climate they were not suppose to grow in, in fact her plants would produce so much extra fruit that we took bags and bags of Artichokes to school and I'm sure the generous gesture helped our grades!
Pomegranates by the tons, corn, peas, carrots, radishes, cucumbers, zucchini, lettuce, lemons, apples, oranges... I still feel a little deprived when I buy a store version of the wonderful fresh produce we had as kids.
Now looking back on these small pieces of my Mom's life I see the giant impact she had in my life and I'm so sure the tiny little pieces of memories I have are merely a shadow of the true impact she had on the so many others whose life she has touched.
God Bless Gloria Jane (McLaird) Lindner... I am grateful for having known her and called her MOM!!
With Love...
Anjanette (Lindner) Petty
