The Unconventional Artist!: It's my birthday and I'm NOT going to Party...I'm ...

The Unconventional Artist!: It's my birthday and I'm NOT going to Party...I'm ...: "OK today is my birthday... My 42nd to be precise. I'm not ashamed in fact I'm proud! I think I am a better person now than I ever was in my ..."

It's my birthday and I'm NOT going to Party...I'm too old for that!

OK today is my birthday... My 42nd to be precise. I'm not ashamed in fact I'm proud! I think I am a better person now than I ever was in my youth! I'm more patient and much calmer in stressful situations and more confident in myself. But in my teens... I was crazy shy and awkward, I was terribly insecure and had a few close friends, mostly my brothers (who tortured me or my pets often) and my pets, mainly Pal my horse. In my twenties... It's a blur and the sad part is I don't know if it's a blur because I was partying too much or if it's cause I'm showing signs of memory loss (which scares the BLEEP out of me since both my grandmas and my mother have memory issues... AHHHHH genetics is there any hope!) My thirties, mostly being a mom and artist and looking for love! Luckily I have the love part and the mom part is going well. I won't bore everyone with the bragging' of a proud mother, but I do have a pretty amazing daughter!

So now I'm in my forties and I feel happy and excited about all the good in my life. But there are some things I wish weren't happening. But unfortunately ARE...

1. The afore mentioned memory issues!

2. That little wrinkle around my smile that doesn't go away after you stop smiling.

3. Random hair... like in your ears, nose, boobs and one little sneaky hair under my chin... I inherited that one from my mother, but I pluck that little invader every time it peaks back in.

4. My poor vision which gets worse every year.

5. Feeling tired when I just got up after 8 hours of sleep.

6. My knee's creaking when I walk upstairs.

7. When I get home after a long day and say things that sound a lot like things my parents use to say... "Oh my aching feet" - "I just need to rest a few minutes before we do ... (name the activity" - "I have a headache" (I thought this one was a joke, but sometimes you really do have a headache)

8. Loud music actually bothers me.

9. I do eat fiber sometimes... on purpose.

10. I buy shoes for comfort ... not 'cause they're cute.

Looking forward I can't help but remember things in my youth that I miss about myself...

1. That cool feeling when you go to the mailbox and expect a letter or card from someone you love. (Now I only expect bills and that never feels good)

2. Being able to fearlessly jump into something just because it seems exciting. Like love, new careers, and weekend getaways.

3. Thinking worms were cool.

4. Getting a hair brained idea and thinking it is sooo cool, like the time my brothers and I spackled our cupboard doors with garbage pail stickers. I'm sure I got yelled out over it, but at the time thought I had created art.

5. Being able to swim for an entire day. (Who has that kind of time now?)

6. Being a size 6 ... HA! Not since Jr. High School.

7. Not caring about my weight. (Those were the carefree days!)

8. A big empty box was sooo much fun, especially with brothers around!

9. NOT worrying about money!

10. Trying to find sneaky ways to stay up late like... I need water, I have to pee, what was that noise ... (Now I can't wait to be in bed by 9:00 pm ... wait that was my bedtime then too)

Today I celebrate the good things to come, the great things I miss and all the crazy stuff in the middle!!

Happy Birthday to ME!

PS ... To celebrate, I did have a Cosmo and Chocolate Cake maybe that wild and carefree little girl is still there!!!

ZOO Much Fun

I love the Zoo! I would go once a week if I could! We went on Saturday and it was very overcast and VERY crowded! But I managed to bully my way in close enough for a few good shots!

Here are some of my favorite pictures!

This Polar Bear was having a blast and I love the action in this picture!

Digital Camera's are the best. You can take 100 pictures if you want and if only one shot comes out, that's OK you can delete the rest and no one will ever know!!!!

The Penguins were zipping around and having tons of fun.

I couldn't really get any where to take a clear shot, but I really like this through the glass shot!

The Birds Really LOVE Carl, he has fun feeding them, and they always fly right to him.

This bird was feisty and didn't even want the juice! He decided to pick a hole in the cup and drain all the juice, then crawl all over Carl and pick at the back of his neck. Crazy bird!!!

I personally love Mountain Goats!

The first totem I did for myself had a mountain goat in it and I thought they were mean and ugly, then I learned that as a totem, they mean climbing new heights, sure footed, able to adapt to difficult situations and arrive on top!!

Thats me!!! :)

I was amazed at this Bat display!

They were feeding the Bats and there were TONS of them all over! It was a great scene to see the bats climbing all over to eat the fruit.

Some how, by luck and the rule of numbers... (You take enough pictures and one is bound to come out OK) ... I got this cool picture!

I like Bats because they are one of those animals that have a lot of bad publicity, but are actually a great totem.

They can represent, renewal, adaptability, transformation. As a healing energy, they can bring good luck and happiness and alleviate hearing problems. They can assist in uncovering hidden messages and help you see hidden opportunities! Cool don't you think!

Good Old Fashion Writing

Last weekend I was in California and I finally went to visit Mom. It was hard to see Mom in the nursing home. She can't walk now and has no use of her left arm. They mush all her food into a puree that resembles baby food because she can't swallow well. She's on blood thinner because she has had strokes and heart attacks and they wan't to keep her blood flowing to prevent another attack, but the side effect is she bruses easily and had many on her body on this visit. She had a large one that ran from her chin to her neck. I did my magic photoshop clean up and got rid of it for this picture. I couldn't bear to have what may be our last picture with her having a giant bruise on her face.


I feel like a rotten daughter for not seeing her everyday that she has left in this life. I have a built in excuse, I live in another state. My finances are so shallow that I could not afford to go to California more than I already have. Still its an excuse and I'd rather live my life without making excuses for everything!

I had a 10 hour drive back after the short visit with Mom to think a lot about life. While the family was napping or reading, I thought about Mom. She may only have a short while, perhaps only months and I decided that I needed to make amends with my soul and do what I can to show my Mom that her life has meant that I have life and that I appreciate her for giving me this life.

I'm going to write her. The good old fashion kind where your hand actually holds a pen and creates real words that you can touch on a piece of paper that can be held in your hand and near your heart. I believe there is an energy transfer that happens when you write that way. There is a message that is spoken in the ink and paper that is just as strong as the message on the page. I pray that along with the loving words I will write to her about how life is going with work, my daughter and all the boring daily details, there will be a subtle almost undetectable message of love and gratitude and life affirming happiness for the woman who raised me in the best way she knew how and I hope that her soul will read that "other" message and feel the love I have for her each time she reads the pages I send her.

Seeing my Mom slowly leave this life has really made me appreciate all that I have especially those people in my life with whom I've have shared good times, lots of laughs, much love and crazy fun experiences. For those of you whom I adore don't be surprised if my good old fashioned letter writing extends to you! If you don't know I adore you, then you'll know when a wonderful hand written page of love shows up in your mail box!

New Paintings

I've been painting again and it feels wonderful. I was inspired by all the animals I see when I do people's totems, but I wanted to create some images that will inspire anyone. These paintings are mixed media and acrylic.






Butterfly... In spite of the challenges, you'll get through this transition.






Dove ... Express love to as many people as possible in words and in deeds.







Bee ... You are entering a very productive time in you life!!






Ladybug ... You're shielded and protected from irritations, pestering thoughts or annoying behaviors from others.






Raven ... Be observant of synchronistic events, appreciate them, but don't try to figure them out.

Camping & Animal Signs

My favorite thing about Camping is the animals. I have a great camera that can snap pretty detailed pictures even at a short distance away. Here are some shot's I got while out at Crane Prairie Reservoir. For fun I like to look at the animal meanings and assess what they may be trying to tell me. This trip was on August 12 - 15th. A Lot has changed.. Lets see what they were trying to tell me... Shall We :)

Snake in The Grass... : Wisdom / Awakening / Rebirth / Transmutation



Snake means you're about to go through some significant changes. You're about to resolve a long standing issue, one that has required a great deal of your attention.
(For the record... I quit my Job September 1st - Snake Was trying to prepare me!!)

Osprey : Prophetic Insight / Acute Vision / Truth / Fearlessness / Destiny




Osprey means This is an opportune time to immerse yourself in your creative energy, channeling into a form of artistic expression that suits you. Eat certifiably organic foods as much as possible as your system is delicate right now.
(So after I quit my day job, I've decided to give my art, painting, children's books, totems etc... My full attention!! Now looking into Osprey I should start to eat better, I have felt sluggish!)

Chipmunk : Scattered Energy / Prudence / Bravery / Enthusiasm



Chipmunk means Trust that you're well protected and that there is no real danger you'll have to face. Once you've completed a creative piece or project, keep it to yourself for a few weeks before revealing to others.
(This is some good advice for me while I'm out now on my new adventure.)

Dragonfly: Maneuverability / Illusion / Mysticism / Swiftness / Gentleness / Beauty / Luminance



Dragonfly means be on the lookout for any falsehoods, deceit, or illusions that are clouding a current situation or relationship.
This is a time when magic and mystery of life is reawakening for you. It's important now to recharge your psychic energy , which you can do my regularly mediating. More than simply a change, you're going through a major transformation, so enjoy the process!!
(Boy is this ALL so true. Work and why I left, my New Path for my art and totems!!)

BTW .. I took this picture and a testament of how awesome the camera is, it caught this dragonfly mid-flight!! WOW!

Beautiful Gems

I went to a Gem & Crystal Show last weekend, here in Portland. I bought one, Stibnite, for myself to help when I work on animal totems. Then Carl had snuck off and bought a few others that had caught my fancy while we looked around. He surprised me later with a Malachite egg, a tiny raw Peridot, a big chunk of Black Tourmaline and Cool piece of Rhodochrosite. Here are some of the great things about these stones.

Black Tourmaline - Astrological Association: Libra / Chakra: All



This stone is great to use when you are being subjected to a lot of electromagnetic disturbances & psychic attacks. It would be a good one to keep with you in an office space especially if there is turmoil with co-workers. Also after using a cell phone at length it can help repair your aura. I have been using it when I do energy reading and totem work, it definitely opens me up and clears my chakras for clear and concise readings.

Malachite - Astrological Association: Scorpio & Capricorn / Chakra: Heart



This stone is useful for physical balance and detoxing on a cellular level. Aligns DNA & cellular structures. It has antiseptic qualities. Will help with tissue swelling. This one was egg shaped and I did not want to put it down when I found it. Not sure why I need the egg shape, but I have always liked egg shapes and hearts and if I have a choice I'll choose one of these shapes first. The egg shape is great for detecting and healing blockages in the body. The pointy end is good for working pressure point therapy.

Stibnite - Astrological Association: Scorpio & Capricorn / Chakra: Crown



Until recently I had never even noticed or paid attention to this stone. I was totally surprised to find that this stone is great for working with animal totems & reading animal energy. It is the main reason I went to the gem show in the first place. It's good for meditation, protection, helps when teaching. Will help with clingy relationships. It also brings, endurance, money and loyalty. It has a bit of weight to it and is really shiny with a metallic glisten. If you give it as a gift it will promote loyalty. It is also great with decision making.

Rhodochrosite - Astrological Association: Leo & Scorpio & Taurus / Chakra: Heart



I am not sure why I wanted this one, but I've always been very attracted to the coloring of this one. Probably because I have a special love of pink. According to my research this stone is great for memory, passion, sex and making music. In healing it will be good for spleen, heart, circulation and kidneys. Also another good stone for yin / yang balance. Since balance has been a theme for me lately, I suppose that explains why I instinctually wanted this stone. For those looking for more active sex life this is the stone for you!! Wink, Wink, Nudge Nudge ;)

Peridot - Astrological Association: Leo, Virgo, Scorpio & Sagittarius / Chakra: Heart



I LOVE the green color in this stone, especially when it's cut and polished into gems for jewelry. It's interesting that I got 3 out of five stones for the heart chakra, not sure what thats all about, except that I do many things from my heart. This is considered a "feel better" stone and will be great for releasing negative patterns. Will alleviate jealousy, anger, reduces stress, motivates growth, necessary to change. For physical health and healing this stone is good for the colon, heart, lungs, spleen, pancreas, intestines, liver and gallbladder. Helps in digestion and detoxing. If you place peridot around your home you will stimulate activity and ward off laziness.

So there it is, my newest stones to my collection.