It's my birthday and I'm NOT going to Party...I'm too old for that!

OK today is my birthday... My 42nd to be precise. I'm not ashamed in fact I'm proud! I think I am a better person now than I ever was in my youth! I'm more patient and much calmer in stressful situations and more confident in myself. But in my teens... I was crazy shy and awkward, I was terribly insecure and had a few close friends, mostly my brothers (who tortured me or my pets often) and my pets, mainly Pal my horse. In my twenties... It's a blur and the sad part is I don't know if it's a blur because I was partying too much or if it's cause I'm showing signs of memory loss (which scares the BLEEP out of me since both my grandmas and my mother have memory issues... AHHHHH genetics is there any hope!) My thirties, mostly being a mom and artist and looking for love! Luckily I have the love part and the mom part is going well. I won't bore everyone with the bragging' of a proud mother, but I do have a pretty amazing daughter!

So now I'm in my forties and I feel happy and excited about all the good in my life. But there are some things I wish weren't happening. But unfortunately ARE...

1. The afore mentioned memory issues!

2. That little wrinkle around my smile that doesn't go away after you stop smiling.

3. Random hair... like in your ears, nose, boobs and one little sneaky hair under my chin... I inherited that one from my mother, but I pluck that little invader every time it peaks back in.

4. My poor vision which gets worse every year.

5. Feeling tired when I just got up after 8 hours of sleep.

6. My knee's creaking when I walk upstairs.

7. When I get home after a long day and say things that sound a lot like things my parents use to say... "Oh my aching feet" - "I just need to rest a few minutes before we do ... (name the activity" - "I have a headache" (I thought this one was a joke, but sometimes you really do have a headache)

8. Loud music actually bothers me.

9. I do eat fiber sometimes... on purpose.

10. I buy shoes for comfort ... not 'cause they're cute.

Looking forward I can't help but remember things in my youth that I miss about myself...

1. That cool feeling when you go to the mailbox and expect a letter or card from someone you love. (Now I only expect bills and that never feels good)

2. Being able to fearlessly jump into something just because it seems exciting. Like love, new careers, and weekend getaways.

3. Thinking worms were cool.

4. Getting a hair brained idea and thinking it is sooo cool, like the time my brothers and I spackled our cupboard doors with garbage pail stickers. I'm sure I got yelled out over it, but at the time thought I had created art.

5. Being able to swim for an entire day. (Who has that kind of time now?)

6. Being a size 6 ... HA! Not since Jr. High School.

7. Not caring about my weight. (Those were the carefree days!)

8. A big empty box was sooo much fun, especially with brothers around!

9. NOT worrying about money!

10. Trying to find sneaky ways to stay up late like... I need water, I have to pee, what was that noise ... (Now I can't wait to be in bed by 9:00 pm ... wait that was my bedtime then too)

Today I celebrate the good things to come, the great things I miss and all the crazy stuff in the middle!!

Happy Birthday to ME!

PS ... To celebrate, I did have a Cosmo and Chocolate Cake maybe that wild and carefree little girl is still there!!!

Being in Balance

This week I made an amazing discovery. The things in my life have been trying to tell me something; for a very long time actually. It was hard to ignore them, they have been very noisy. The ceiling fan in our bedroom was making a click click click sound. The Turn Signal in my car would keep clicking clicking clicking when I turned the signal off. My knee would click click when I ran or walked up stairs. I just ignored them.

I'm a firm believer that all things are energy and thus everything is effected by everything around it. I also believe that each person is it's own source of power and energy. Our power comes from our thinking and beliefs. Over the past year I've had a rough time, several moves, several jobs, and a challenging financial situation which brought on some depression and insecurity about my future. So I knew the things in my life were onto something, but I did not know how to get myself out of this spiraling downward rut. So I kept ignoring those annoying noisy things.

The one thing that was keeping me sane was running. When I am running, I am all by myself even if I'm in a group. My mind stops worrying and I am just inside my body feeling every step forward and hearing every breath in and then out. It was the most empowered I felt anywhere in my life. Each week I'd add more miles to my running and achieving something so hard made me proud of myself! Of course you can imagine having something like that in ones life could become addictive. It did, I began running more and more and more. If I was sore, so what I'm tough I can run through it. Eventually my body decided to stop me cold in my tracks. I could not keep "running" figuratively and in reality until I worked out the problems in the other areas in my life.

It was a "Stress Fracture" in my upper thigh on my left side. The doctor said no running for a month, no working out, no gym, NOTHING! I decided to listen these "things" were all telling me to stop. Even my beloved I-Pod had fried a circut and was out of commission and I would not have it for weeks. Since my financial situation was so desperate, it was the thing I worried about day & night and I felt helpless to change, so I decided that is what needed to be fixed most.

I made a list...
1. Budget my financial situation and get a clear picture of the issue. (There is no room for denial in this circumstance)
2. Finish my Real Estate Study so I can take the Real Estate Exam and Get my license (Thus creating a skill to bring more money).
3. Paint the Chalk Boards My Brother Commissioned (More Money In).
4. Promote My Totems (More Money in).

It's been over a month since my life changing revelation and I've done all those things on my list.
My leg is healed. I am running again, but slower, training more deliberately and with a clear attainable goal in mind. I'm also handling my finances with the same approach, slow, deliberate, with a clear goal in mind!

Ironically all the other noises stopped too, the Fan, the Car and my Knee!

Now I am in Balance!